6.04.2015

Ohana Means Family

Not everyone has been supportive of my decision to adopt. This really really sucks. Imagine you are 40 years old and finally having/adopting a child and some of your friends and family members tell you they think its a bad idea. They think you are too irresponsible, too weak, too selfish, too queer, too unstable to raise a child. They are afraid of how your decision will affect their lives yet won't even talk to you about the reasons you decided to adopt in the first place.



I can't even begin to tell you how much that hurts. The part that bothers me the most is I don't know if the reason these people aren't supportive is because I am transgender or because they really think I will be a horrible father.

Some of my friends are getting cold feet as well. When it was just talk, everything seemed fine, everyone was excited about all the things we could do together. Now with just weeks before a child is actually placed in my home, I feel like some of my friends are stepping back. As if they expect that once I have a child our friendship will be over.

Of course things will change but that's life. People get married, have kids, get divorced, get remarried, change jobs, retire, and die. Life is always changing. Our interests change, our jobs, change, we move. Things don't ever stay the same. But if we know this why are we so afraid of it? I'd like to think that if any of my friends started dating, got married or had kids that I would be supportive of them and their choices and do whatever I could to help them be happy and successful.

I am so very grateful for the handful of people who have been truly supportive of me. They understand that my life is going to change, that it will be difficult at times, that I will struggle. But instead of doubting me, criticizing me and suggesting that my choices are somehow an act perpetuated against them they are supporting me. When I am going through a tough time and need someone to talk to, this small group of people will be there. If I need advice or seek constructive suggestions, I know who I can ask without getting "I told you so" or "don't ask me I don't want to get involved".

It is this handful of people that are going to help me raise a strong, empathetic, kind young man. These people will be the ones to reach out a helping hand so that I can be the best father I can be. I am not asking them to parent my child for me but I am not so foolish to think that I can accomplish this feat alone. And that's how I feel right now – alone.

The irony of all of this is one of the reasons I want to have a family, one of the reasons I chose to adopt a child is so that I am not alone. And neither is my child.

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