8.04.2011

The Tranny's New Clothes

I went for a walk on my lunch break. It was a beautiful sunny day with a nice breeze and I as I wandered along the street I felt it: contentment. My body finally felt normal....well different but normal. I could feel the wind on my skin without the burden of breasts or shame. I ran up the stairs to the library without my chest bouncing. I bent over to pick up my pen and didn't feel the weight of them hanging off my chest.

I felt tall. I felt happy. Even though I am still getting used to the amputation and the phantom boobs I am hoping in time my brain will clue in and the memory of how my body used to feel will disappear. I am hoping too that the sharp pains and the aches will subside eventually and I can not even think about it until I take off my shirt and see the scars and think...oh yeah...I used to have boobs! Every day I am thankful and excited to walk around in my "new" body. I love the way I look and I love the way it feels to finally be free!!

It's been just over one month since me top surgery but I am ready to go out and get myself a new wardrobe! I have been relishing the last six....ok three weeks of being able to wear nothing but a t-shirt....well I mean nothing under my t-shirt except for me! Every morning I get dressed I feel like there is something I am forgetting....but since I only have to wear one shirt now instead of 2 or three my life is definitely cooler!

Before I had top surgery, a binder would make my chest and stomach flat to about even so I looked fit and pretty flat from top to bottom. Now that my chest has been reshaped my stomach needs a little work....My jeans are getting looser and since I have been eating well and healthy for some time now I think I might have a few reasons to get myself some new clothes! I believe I mentioned my preferred "woodsman" style in the Lumberjack Post , now with a nice flat chest my options are opening up....just a bit. Since it's pretty cool here most of the year I am usually dressed in layers. Only now my layers won't have to consist on anything tight or made of spandex.I do have to wear busness casual at work but I am even looking forward to buying some nice new dress shirts and even a few more ties!

When I finally have time and money to go shopping for some new clothes, I will now be able to buy clothes that fit! Granted, I still don't have the body of a male model but when I see something I like it will finally fit me the way I want it to. I won't have to buy things big to cover my breasts now I can get clothes that fit, clothes I wouldn't have purchased before because they were too tight or the material was too thin to be able to wear with a bra or binder. I have a few dress shirts I am looking forward to wearing already! Instead of worrying about shirts fitting over my chest I now have to make sure they will fit me through the shoulders and arms....what's with all the skinny-armed shirts out there anyway?

I went through my dresser the other day and tried on a bunch of clothes that haven't fit my for a while. I was pretty excited to see that now even the smallest of them fit. Looking at myself in the mirror wearing a t-shirt or fitted dress shirt makes me so happy because I finally see what I have dreamed about for so long: broad shoulders and a beautiful flat chest. Every time I see myself reflected back in a smooth surface I am reminded that I no longer have to shrug, I can stand up tall and proud and have my body finally reinforce the identity of the guy that's been trapped inside it for so long! 

1 comment:

Damon Wille said...

Reading about your recovery and your contentment makes me even more excited for the day I will lose my breasts. It makes me excited to watch the ticker move on my "Tits Removal Fund" (hooray shitty american health insurance).