6.08.2011

The Countdown to Swimming

I have been trying not to think about my chest surgery too much since so many things can go wrong; cancellations, illness, travel hiccups and emergency surgeries all have the potential to bump my chest surgery. There is only two weeks left and 14 days from now barring any of these unforseen circumstances I will be watching a movie in a hotel with some wonderful drugs and ice packs on my flattened chest.

I haven't seen any before and after photos from my surgeon so I really have no idea what to expect. I have been trying to imagine what it is going to feel like to wake up without breasts, without shame, without feeling like I need to hide. I can't imagine it and until I wake up and they are actually gone I won't. I won't know exactly how everything turns out for months after and likely won't have enough courage to actually go outside shirtless until next summer. I think the idea of actually wandering around topless will feel awkward and vulnerable and I will probably need to practice feeling comfortable wandering around my own house with no shirt on before I can brave the outdoors. I am smiling now because the thought of actually being able to go swimming just occurred to me....swimming....after almost 20 years. Wow.

This afternoon I got a message from the surgeon's office and I started to panic. I was sure that it was going to be bad news. They were looking for my paperwork. The doctor's evaluation and medical history that I mailed back to them almost 3 months ago, just in case there was a chance I could get in earlier. Turns out they had it and had just misplaced it. I made sure that the surgery was still a go, that there wasn't anything else I was supposed to do. I am waiting to hear from the hospital for the pre-admission interview but won't find out my surgery time until the day before the actual surgery. I am hoping it is early in the day...very early in the day so recovery and healing can begin sooner than later. Plus I don't want to have to go hungry any longer than I have to.

I wrote a post way back in January, called The Longest Day where I detailed all the things I look forward to the most after having surgery. I won't read it now until after I know for sure they are gone. Two more weeks, just two more weeks. Let the time fly.......

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