3.04.2011

My Almost Lucky Day

Yesterday, I had the chance to have my surgery 3 months early and I blew it. I didn't notice the voice mail message on my phone until nearly 4:00– the call had come in at 1:30. When I called to tell them that absolutely I would go and have my surgery next Wednesday they told me they had already given the spot to someone else. No I know I already have a surgery date and it really isn't that far away but the thought of having missed the opportunity to have these damn things off next Wednesday upsets me. Sure there's a chance that another cancellation will come along but really, I don't consider myself that lucky.
    I have been trying to keep my head up, to keep my heart in it and not be too emotional. I'm trying my hardest to participate in my own life and try not to get discouraged. I am going to visit my family next month and I am really looking forward to seeing them– it's been almost a year. I never thought I could survive so far from home for so long but that's exactly what I have been doing- surviving.
    My frustration level gets so high sometimes I do stupid things, like one morning when I followed a guy who nearly forced me into oncoming traffic as he changed lanes and proceeded to yell driving lessons at this complete stranger. I almost felt bad later and thought I would never have done that anywhere else! I spent the morning pondering my error and vowed to try and think of ways to focus on positive things. Writing this blog is something positive that I have been neglecting a little. I said I would post twice a week and I am a bit behind but who's keeping score? I supose I should use this space more often perhaps to just expel the troubles in my mind. Sometimes when they get out on paper (or screen) the fears and troubles I seem to have don't look so bad....sort of like discovering the monster under the bed is just a pair of dirty gym socks, once you shine the flashlight on them.
    So how do I put a positive spin on what I'd hoped would be my early boobectomy? Well a few ways I guess:
  1. I will still be able to take time off work in April to visit my family and celebrate my grandma's 90th birthday
  2. It happend once, it might happen again. There's a chance that I might again be surprised by a cancellation and have my surgery date moved up.
  3. It was some other guy's lucky day who might have been waiting twice as long for his boobectomy, and that at least makes me feel like I'll be ok.

1 comment:

Kev said...

When I read this I thought "Daaaaamn!" - it's only natural to be upset first. But you've got your date set and nobody is going to take that away from you. It's really hard to think positive after that, I realize that.
Just put it behind you. It's gone. You'll get there.