2.24.2011

Nine Months on T

9 months and still no 'stache
Month Nine

Apparently you can make a whole baby in nine months but a moustache takes a little longer. I was hoping that by now I would have already had top surgery and a lot more facial hair but it's only been nine months. I am still noticing changes albeit little ones which is kind of frustrating but hey you can't rush perfection! Little by little I feel more at home in this body and sooner than later I hope I will finally feel complete. Here's the nine month update.

Acne: For the most part this seems to have disappeared but my skin is still a lot oilier than what I am used to. I am sure this is a side effect of both the testosterone and the cottonseed oil. I am not really sure if this will ever end but perhaps once I move down to a maintenance dose of testosterone or switch over to another delivery method this will no longer be an issue.

Body:
The diligent eating habits have paid off and combined with hockey and yoga I seem to have lost a bit of weight. I don't feel so crappy all the time and while I still get wicked bouts of homesickness, so far I have been lucky enough to avoid a winter cold or flu. I am feeling pretty good, taking my vitamins and walking around downtown at lunch when it's warm enough. I don't have a physical job at all so any time I can take the stairs or walk someplace I will.I have noticed too that I have muscles in places I never had muscles before... my backside is reshaping itself, I have lats and my abdominals are sometimes visible (just above the tiny winter survival belt). With a little work (and some surgery) I will have the body I've always wanted!

Injection: I haven't been able to get a consostently pain free shot yet. some weeks I don't have any problems and others I get pain and stiffness. I have become a little more adept at distinguishing vascular tissue. If I feel like I may have passed through or am next to a vessel I aspirate the syringe to check for blood and if I find some I immediately pull the needle out, swap it for a new one and start over. I am still looking for that sweet spot or spots and might have to try the legs again if the hips get too sore. I don't want to create a build up of scar tissue but I am unsure how that might be accomplished since I will be self injecting once a week for the rest of my life.

Hair: My hairline is definitely changing. I am noticing it more and more and while I wasn't exactly prepared for a bigger forehead I haven't yet started to panic about losing it all. Male pattern baldness is supposed to fall on your mother's side but I'mnot sure how that works if you're genetically female. Body hair is kind of odd honestly. It seems to fill in on one side of the body .... and then the other. So for a while I had a hairy right arm and a not so hairy left arm. All I can say to that is thank goodness it's winter and long sleeves aren't suspicious. I am hoping things even out by the time spring rolls around.

Mood: The days are noticeably longer and the increase in daylight seems to help a lot with my mood and energy. I am still waiting for warmer weather and frankly getting a little impatient about it. I still have moments where I feel awkward about my body and suffer dysphoria that usually results in depression. I try my best not to feel like everyone is looking at my chest or doubting my gender presentation. I still try to imagine the happiness of feeling at home in my own body.

Voice: Well my voice still cracks and feels pretty bumpy. I don't know how long its going to take to finally settle but I am hoping that I will see it drop into its final masculine tones around the one year mark.

Other: Yoga is going really well. While certain poses make me feel pretty self conscious, I have been wearing a pretty loose binder to class and that seems to help. The relaxation is good for my stress level I have had a couple injuries lately that haven't helped me feel that great. I separated my shoulder then took it easy for a couple weeks before heading back to hockey then injured it again using the auger to dig a couple holes when I went ice fishing.... the ice was about 39 inches thick. So I am working on taking it a bit easy instead. Weather is looking up a bit so might go for a nice winter hike.

No comments: