10.24.2010

Five Months on T

Wow I have no idea what happened to month four....seriously?! It just seemed to disappear so fast I hardly kept track of any changes! There are a few notables and for anyone who is keeping track of their own transition here is the usual rundown:

Month Five
Acne: Well here is a photo of my back so you can see exactly what kind of special hell this acne is. There are hundreds of tiny blackheads and a number of large hard deep pimples that are extremely painful. I am still scrubbing every day with antibacterial soap and applying topical acne cream. I started an oral antibiotic a couple of weeks ago and will document any improvements with a monthly photograph. My doctor said I probably won't see any big changes for about three months. I am counting on this clearing up eventually otherwise I may switch to an androgen patch to avoid injecting oil and maybe help clear up my skin once and for all.

Body: My ass is migrating. I am developing a bit of a belly and the love handles that formerly made their home on my hips have nearly disappeared. I love that I am getting shoulders and the veins are starting to stand out against my muscles. My feet are bigger and I am going to need to get new winter boots. I have noticed a lot of my clothes don’t fit me like they used to especially in arms and shoulders. Shirts in particular are getting tighter as I get thicker. It goes without saying that I would still feel a lot better if I could have my chest surgery. I am still very uncomfortable even defensive about my chest and as testosterone works its magic these negative feelings about my breasts get stronger. Sometimes still feel uncomfortable even when I’m binding. The acne isn't helping too much either and I am very self conscious about that as well. I am not happy with the way my back looks or feels but I am trying to be patient and let the antibiotic work its magic.

Drawers: Growth seems to have slowed down but the sex drive is still in full force. In other news, I am getting a hairy butt crack. :/

Hair: Well aside from the hair creeping up the crack in my backside the hair on my legs is getting thicker particularly on my inner thighs. I have a trail of hair growing above and below my belly button and I am finally getting noticeably thicker hair on my forearms. I have noticed a few random hairs sprouting up on my chest which is definitely getting fuzzier…. a good sign that I will have at least some chest hair (I am actually hoping to be quite hairy but I guess that depends on what genes get turned on by the testosterone!) My facial hair isn’t growing in as fast or as thick as I would like but I keep shaving about twice a week.

Mood: I am feeling quite a bit better than I was earlier and I think a lot of that has to do with getting regular exercise, eating better and feeling like I am finally getting a handle on my life and who I am. I definitely feel more grounded and more emotionally stable than I have in a long time.  Once my body matches these feelings I will have more confidence in public, feel less awkward about my body, stand up straight and probably be more sociable. I know I will definitely be less afraid of being beat up or “outed” and will feel less like I have to hide from the world.

Voice: I tried singing along to the radio in my car on the way to work last week. Hysterical. My voice still cracks and gets really pitchy, not that I could sing before T but now it’s really prepubescent! I am sure my voice is still changing and I am not sure exactly when I will know it has stopped. I guess it can take up to a year or more to fully settle so it will be interesting to see if I notice a big difference when that finally happens. Right now I know it has dropped quite a bit but I still don’t sound that different to my own ear.

Other: Hockey has certainly helped trim down some of my body fat and getting out and sweating has certainly helped to improve my sleep and mood. My appetite is increasing and I feel a little nervous to eat as often as I am hungry because I am afraid I will build a giant fat gut in no time at all. I am still waiting for the great leap in metabolic rate but I have noticed that I have no trouble generating my own body heat.

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