7.24.2010

Shopping for a New Myth

There are a few things that I have come to realize in my transition about the differences between women and men. When I was little I felt as though I was a little boy and as life and puberty would have it, I grew up and into the trap of thinking that I needed to be what everyone expected me to be. I almost convinced myself that I could be a wife and a mother and live the life of a normal woman but what a tangled mess that would have been to escape!

At work today, my boss printed out an e-mail, a joke about kids who were taking their GED and the funny answers that some of them gave on the exam. I don't remember much of it but something struck me about one of the aside comments made by the author who was female (and I know this without knowing her name or reading anything except her little comments). Women really don't have any clue about men. They have perpetrated a stereotype about men and have been so busy talking about what they know about us that they haven't really listened to anything and therefore haven't learned anything.

Today I realized I will soon appear a member of the male gender;  women will  see me as a man and will make certain assumptions about me based on what they think they "know" about the male species.  I am a little disappointed by this and I found that the more I thought about it the more I realized that I  had been guilty of the same crimes. I have learned about men from women, not from men. How can I expect to become a man when I have been taught to be afraid and suspicious of them? How on earth can I expect to pass as a man when I have no unbiased ideas about what it is to be a man? Women seem to have made their decision about what men should be. But as trannies know, what people think you should be and what you are are often two very different things.

I get e-mails forwarded to me from women I know that warn me about men. How to protect myself from them, defend myself against them, be smarter and more Men are predators. They will rape you, rape your kids, take your car, your purse, your dignity, your kids, your money, your car, and your security. They take your confidence, your self-esteem, and your ability to see yourself as just another human being in relation to them. When women talk about men there seems to be a double-edged sword of desire and fear. They want a man to provide for them, help them raise their children, fuck them to an imaginary script, do housework and protect them from danger (ie other men). What women don't understand about men and what men don't understand about women is clear to a transsexual: biologically men and women are different.

Men think and feel the world differently than women. This is a result of testosterone. Go ahead, scoff. But until you have been (and I borrow this from my brother) primarily an estrogen based organism and start taking testosterone and feel the difference it makes in the way you feel, think, and act you can't really argue that you know it's all a bunch of hooey. I am sure that all the women who have been trapped in male bodies have discovered that estrogen wreaks havoc on your emotional and mental state despite the fact they are exempt from the monthly roller coaster biological women already accept as normal.

I am learning now that men are not ruled by their emotions. They think. They act. Yes we feel but not in the same way women do. Women are emotional creatures far more so than men. I doubt that men feel like victims very often and more unlikely they feel it in the company of women. Many women have a tendency to bash men and think it is ok to think poorly of them. Listen closely to the way in which women speak about men...there is always a little dig that women are more evolved, or smarter, or could do just about everything better than men. That men do nothing but drink beer and think about sex. Yeah sure it seems all in fun but there is a prevalent attitude that men are inferior and lack emotional substance while thinking about nothing getting laid. It's true men have a higher sex drive than women but that is thanks to testosterone and trust me, at times it really is nearly impossible to control...think of thirteen year old boys carrying textbooks everywhere they go because they have no control over the way testosterone acts upon their body; about as easy as talking yourself out of PMS... Good luck ladies!

I have known men that defy and debunk all of the myths that women have about us and it makes me sad to think that fathers and sons, uncles, grandfathers, mentors, teachers, community leaders, scout masters, ministers, and coaches are all painted with the same dark and fearful brush. There are upstanding and wonderful men in the world and I have been blessed to know a few of them. I can
honestly say that the majority of influential people in my life have been men. Men who are compassionate, loving, caring, listeners who will help you out by sitting quietly with you, encouraging you to seek your own truth, turning you around and pointing you in the right direction when you get lost, or taking you out and getting you completely shit-faced when you need it the most. I have been lucky knowing a handful of really good men both straight and gay, who have characteristics I want to possess as a man. While I grow into my new skin and construct my own masculinity I will remember the ones who have taught me what it means to be a good man, a gentleman a friend. I hope very soon I can make them all proud and prove to some of the ladies out there that men are interesting creatures that just need a little understanding... testosterone is nothing to be afraid of.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Aside from the not being miserable any more and being comfortable in my own skin, etc. T did not cause any observable differences in my cognition. I am less moody, but I would not say I think differently.