By any other name...

After a long weekend made longer by waiting for referrals, I finally got some good news: I have an appointment to see a plastic surgeon about my top surgery in July!! I have to say that after starting T this makes me feel like things are moving forward and that sooner than later I will finally be at home in my own skin.

I did have a little trouble communicating with my endocrinologist though. The pharmacy where I filled my prescription is unable to find a supplier for the 200mg/ml testosterone in cottonseed oil. When I called his office to see if I could get the prescription changed and get it faxed to my pharmacy in Yellowknife, I was told by his secretary that they don't accept that sort of information from patients. That a new prescription had been mailed out to my BC address (helpful) but they would have to forward it to me I would have to take it to the pharmacy in Yellowknife and have the pharmacy there contact the dr.'s office in Calgary to change the prescription....this is all while I am on the phone with the doctor's office!! How utterly silly, no wonder the health care system is losing money if they can't even complete as simple a task as changing a prescription. Transfer the prescription? That would be too easy...I can't transfer the prescription I have now to the NWT because Testosterone is a controlled substance.

One step forward....three steps backwards and down a couple stairs

I am now officially out on my own and I am kind of glad too. All of my friends have been absolutely awesome in supporting me and making an effort to remember to call me Marcus and use the male pronouns him, his, he, etc. I know it will take more time for my family because they aren't used to it for one and they have a more ingrained pattern to try and break. I read something interesting from another blog (http://www.ravenkaldera.org/activism/index.html) and I am going to re-post it here as a little something to think about because it sums up my feelings on this issue to a tee:

  [This] is about courtesy and consideration of another human being's needs. If your best friend Jane from high school shows up one day and announces to her friends that she's always hated the name Jane and has now changed it legally to Megan, and she'd really like it if you could all call her Megan from now on, and you burst out that she'll always be Jane to you, and you'll never, never call her Megan, you are being discourteous and inconsiderate. You are showing that your own resistance to change is more important to you than her feelings and needs, and you will probably lose her as a friend, and look like a jerk to boot. You can even keep calling her Jane in your head, but it's rude and callous not to at least publicly address her needs. 

To do otherwise is a blatant fuck-you, saying that you don't care whether or not you ever have any kind of meaningful communication with that person. Deliberately using a pronoun that you know will offend someone is no different than using a racist or sexist term to describe them. Either way, you are telling the world that they have no say in your public definition of them and the marginalized group that they belong to.  

I know it is hard for  friends and family who have known you for a long time, understand that they will forget and screw up sometimes. Be prepared for that but try to forgive and be understanding when someone is at least making an effort.

For me, it is embarrassing and awkward to be called Marcus (which is now my legal name by the way) in front of someone and then have them look at me up and down all confused as she and her are coupled with my obviously masculine name. But know that when you call me Marcus and use the correct pronoun and make the effort I feel good. It makes me happy and it in a really simple way shows me how much you care.

1 comment:

andrea said...

Thank you so much for leading me to your blog and for this post. I was so excited to realize that Marcus Jackson who requested my friendship on FB was someone that I knew (and have cherished memories of from my childhood!). When I had a few extra minutes, I was going to send you a message on FB and ask you all the questions you've answered for me here... what should I call you? How do I refer to you? I wanted to be confident I was doing what you needed and wanted. I am so happy to be back in touch (I have often wondered where life took you) and so happy to know you are on your way to having your mind and body share a comfortable space. A